What Is and What Should Never Be
by bollersaurus
Summary: Her face shows the most emotion they've seen from her since her and Barton showed up. Her eyes show devastation, loss and- if he isn't mistaken- anger. After a few moments her face blanks again. Barton takes an involuntary step back when it happens. He looks a little panicked.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Right. So I saw a thing on Tumblr and this popped into my head and wouldn't go away until I wrote it. It was supposed to be a one shot but it's turning out to be a lot longer. I also don't know where I'm really going with this. So, yeah. I don't know when I'll be updating this. Hopefully it won't take too long. This is un-beta'd, all mistakes are mine. Title from a Led Zeppelin song(it may change).

* * *

"I'm sorry."

* * *

When Barton joins them, he isn't alone. He brought along Doctor Foster's intern, Darcy. Steve and James share a look. They're both carrying guns but Clint also has his bow and arrows. Darcy has a baseball bat with nails sticking out all over the top like a homemade mace. She has little vials attached to her belt, too. They clink together whenever she moves. Barton has on his uniform and Darcy has on some cargo pants and long sleeved shirt on. She's sporting a blank face. That can't be good.

"Hi guys," Barton says as he walks up to them. He sounds way too perky. Steve looks at him and Darcy dubiously. James raises one of his eyebrows at Barton in question. "I found her bashing heads in with the bat. She was by herself," he clarifies for them. Darcy still hasn't said anything, just gave them a short nod.

She's looking around the place they're staying at for now. Her face is no longer blank but James doesn't think the new look on her face is any better. "What's in the vials," he asks. The liquid inside the vials is a bright blue that also has a milky look about it. She turns to look at him; her eyes scan his body then do the same to Steve. She turns back to him.

"They melt people's faces and brains."

Steve and James take a step away from her at that revelation. "The liquid only reacts if you're infected. Something about the way the biology changes when they do. Jane-," her voice hitches on her name and that's all James needs to know. Knows that Foster and Lewis never went anywhere without each other. Though he's not sure why she was by herself. Figures she would at least have been with Thor or even one of the other scientists.

Her face shows the most emotion they've seen from her since her and Barton showed up. Her eyes show devastation, loss and- if he isn't mistaken- anger. After a few moments her face blanks again. Barton takes an involuntary step back when it happens. He looks a little panicked. She pivots on her heel and goes to sit on the ground and leans on one of the walls, staring into space.

"Like I said, she was by herself. I couldn't just leave her." Barton has a look of despair on his face. "I couldn't get anything out of her when I asked why she was by herself. I asked her where Doc Foster was and she pretty much shut down and said 'dead.' I didn't ask about Thor." They all look over at her to see she's watching all of them. Eyes going from face to face then roving around the room then back to them.

Steve looks back over to Barton. "Well she can stay. It's not like we're going to kick her out. Can she," Steve pauses, trying to find the right word. "…fight?"

Barton looks a little scared and haunted. "Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that." James is a bit skeptical but doesn't say anything. Steve just nods then straightens and tells them in his Captain voice he'll take first watch. He goes and sits on the ground, leaning on the wall opposite of the one Darcy is. Barton shrugs and goes to sit next to Darcy. James sits a couple of feet away from Steve. He doesn't want to accidently hit Steve in his sleep. He's quiet during his nightmares but he thrashes around violently.

James wakes up and sees that Darcy had moved away from Barton to sit on Steve's left side. They're both silent and they're eyes are constantly scanning the room. Barton has slumped completely onto the ground, not even leaning against the wall. His head is pillowed on Darcy's sweatshirt he thinks, snoring. He clears his throat and Steve and Darcy automatically start to reach for their weapons until they realize it's just him. "I'll take next watch," he tells them, his voice rough from sleep.

Steve nods his consent and leans back against the wall. He's asleep within less than ten seconds. When Darcy seems satisfied that Steve's actually asleep she gets up and walks over to him. She stands and stares at him, her head tilted to the side studying him. While she's looking at him he decides to do the same to her. Her hair is up in a sloppy ponytail and her glasses look like they're trying to slide down her nose. She's lost a little bit of weight since he last saw her but she still looks like a pin ups guys would hang in the barracks in the 40s.

He notices her looking at his left arm. His whole arm is showing from him wearing his uniform. It's what he was wearing when Steve, him and Barton got back from a mission and the world went to shit. He's just glad Steve wasn't wearing his Captain America get up when they got back. Though they are lucky he had his shield on him. It would have attracted too much attention. She's still looking at it when he curls his hand into a fist, the plates whirring. He's about to say something to her when she promptly sits on his right side.

His smile is bitter when he asks her if she's scared of his left arm. He follows that up with another question on whether or not she's slept not giving her time to answer the first. She doesn't look at him as she says no. "About the arm or sleep," he asks for clarification though he can see the shadows under her eyes.

"Both," she replies curtly then falls silent. She's still not looking at him but he believes her.

He's been on watch for two hours when he feels Darcy suddenly slump onto his right side. He looks over to see her asleep, her body leaning against his. He considers moving her so she's not against him but decides against it. He likes the way she feels leaning on his right side and she looks like she needs the sleep and he doesn't want to wake her by moving her.

She's not been asleep for very long when she starts moving around and mumbling. He looks at side of his body she's using as her bed when he hears what she's saying. She keeps saying 'I'm sorry' over and over. Then she really starts moving and her face flops into his lap. He has to move his hands quickly so her face doesn't land on them. When her flailing hand almost hits him in the face he wakes her.

She looks at him with confusion, her eyebrows drawing together like she's not sure how she got here. When she realizes what must have happened and her face is in his lap, she moves off of him. "Sorry," she mutters as she rubs her eyes and face trying to wake up.

"It's fine. Want to tell me what all that was about?"

She looks over at him obviously still trying to wake up. "Not really," she says and that's that. They go back to watching the room in silence.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay, so I don't really know much about X-Men except for what's in the movies. That's where I got my limited information. I don't know anything from the comics except for little tidbits here and there. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

* * *

Four days later they decide to move. Barton mentions one of the old S.H.I.E.L.D. safe houses and they agree to go there for a while. That's what they had been doing so far, going from safe house to safe house. They had tried to go to the tower but it had been on lock down. Nobody was going in or out. Barton mentioned old S.H.I.E.L.D. safe houses and James mentioned some old HYDRA safe houses that he remembered.

On their way they run into a little trouble and James now understands why Barton seemed a bit scared of Darcy when they first arrived. She's _vicious_. She uses the gun until she runs out of ammo then she uses the bat. She sort of reminds him of well… him, when he was the asset just with less training and finesse. She's focused and intense and yeah, he can definitely see why Barton was scared. James probably would be if he was someone else.

She's had some training. He can tell. Her shot is excellent but her movements could use some work. He knows she used to train with Barton for shooting but he had told him she was already good on her own, just had needed some fine tuning. He brings it up after they make it to the safe house.

She's looking out one of the windows watching the infected amble around outside. "Where'd you learn to shoot," he leads with. She considers him for a second when she tells him her dad did. She gets a silly little smile on her face.

"You would probably like him. Steve too," she adds as an afterthought. It's the first smile he's seen since she's joined them. "He's brash, will just tell you what he's thinking even if half of the time he shouldn't. My dad's pretty hilarious too. Tells the best dirty jokes." Her smile is devious, "He'd probably be able to make Clint blush and you know that's saying something," she laughs. "Dude has no shame."

James has to agree with that, Barton is pretty shameless. He smirks at her. "Got any dirty jokes of your own," he asks. She snorts.

"Yeah, maybe one of these days I'll tell you some."

He smiles at her now, "Sure, sounds like a good time," he says. He loses his smile and tells her his idea. He wants to train her to help improve her form and in hand to hand combat. "I know it's sort of redundant against them-" he points outside and she looks back out the window, "but I think it could help if you got stuck in tight situation and there are still people out there who aren't infected that would hurt you regardless."

She nods as he's talking. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea," she says after he's finished. "Plus it's not like we really have anything better do to." She looks around the room as she says the last bit and she's right. They really don't have anything better to be doing and it's better than sitting around being bored.

"Good. We start tomorrow," he tells her as he exits the room.

* * *

She's had more training than he originally thought. Darcy tells him her form used to a lot better but she had stopped training when she had left for college at 18. Steve and Barton watch, occasionally joining or giving pointers. She improves quickly.

The population of infected has started getting bigger in the area they're staying in and it's making them all edgy. They don't want to get trapped here. They usually only stay in each place for a week or two but they had been here for three trying to come up with somewhere they could permanently stay.

"Why don't we head to Xavier's," Darcy suggests one night when their all brainstorming. James looks over at Steve and Barton to see them thinking over it.

"That actually isn't a bad idea but how do we know if they would even let us in," Barton asks. James and Steve look back at Darcy wanting to know what she's going to say. That really is a good point to bring up. It would be godawful to get there only to be denied entry. He could see Summers doing that to them, the prick.

"Xavier owes me," Darcy replies, then seems to contemplate something. "So does Logan."

Steve raises his eyebrows at that. "Wolverine owes you a favor," Steve asks slowly in disbelief. James has to think of who that is for minute, the name is familiar and he hasn't met all of the X-Men yet. He suddenly remembers James Howlett from the war, now Logan. Now that he remembers who Wolverine is, he has a hard time believing he would let himself become indebted to anyone.

"Yeah, quite a few actually," Darcy says and they really don't really have much choice but to believe her. After that they get to planning. Him and Barton trying to remember where they can go and stay for a couple of days at a time as they make their way and that they're also going to need a vehicle because it would be one hell of a walk to get to Xavier's. They eventually iron out most of the kinks in their plan and are ready to go.

* * *

The night before they leave they're all lounging in the kitchen and Barton is complaining about the situation they're stuck in. "Like how the fuck did this even happen," he's asking while him and Steve nod along. Darcy looks at all of them in shock.

"You guys don't know? Seriously," she asks them.

"Darce, we were out on a mission for a while. We couldn't have any communication with anyone and by the time we got back everything had gone to shit and the tower was locked down tight," Barton tells her.

So she tells them what she knows. She tells them that AIM was trying to come up with some biological weapon that went bad obviously. They had used it without really knowing what it would do when some agents had busted into their hideout. When it didn't do anything to them right away they weren't that worried and the tests they did on those that had been hit didn't show anything wrong. They don't realize anything is wrong until the agents start dying randomly at home then their bodies reanimating not long after dying. They come back so quickly there really wasn't much anybody could do at first not knowing what was going on until it was too late.

"There are some people who get bit that don't get infected. Nobody was able to find out how that was possible 'cause it had gotten too out of control by then." As she's talking starts subconsciously rubbing part of her arm. James notices and that's when he starts thinking back to when she had first joined them. He hasn't seen her in anything with short sleeves, always long-sleeved. He's seen her in shorts and barefoot but never without long-sleeves or Barton's hoodie she seems to be fond of.

He's brought out of his thoughts when Barton asks if Foster and she were trying to help figure out how some people were immune. Her face shuts down and Barton looks stricken. He starts to apologize as Darcy gets up from the table and on the way out of the room stops by Barton to give a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

Her way of letting him know she's not mad. Barton still looks guilty as hell after she leaves the room and actually starts beating his head on the table, mumbling to himself. He stops and looks at him and Steve, scrubbing a hand through his short hair. "I can't believe I brought up Jane. She's barely started acting like herself."

Steve gives him a sympathetic look. "It's fine Clint. I'm sure one of us would've accidentally brought up Jane at one point," he tells him and James snorts. Steve gives him a dirty look and elbows him in the ribs. He winces. One of the things that didn't change when Steve got the serum was his pointy elbows. If anything they got pointier.

It's James' turn to give him a dirty look. "Punk."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you to everyone who left reviews, followed and all of that other good stuff. Still not beta'd.

* * *

The next safe house they go to is a wreck. They're going to have to fix it even if they only plan on being there for a couple of days. On top of that they're running low on supplies and have to go on a raid.

"Alight," Steve says looking around the place warily. "Two of us are going to have to go on the raid while the other two stay here and fix the house."

Darcy's hand shoots up and bounces on her toes. James and Clint can tell Steve is about to deny her. Darcy can too. Darcy crosses her arms and gets a defiant look on her face. Steve's eyebrows are on the verge of disappearing into his hairline not expecting her to fight him on it. Darcy huffs. "I am perfectly capable of going on a raid. I was on my own for months before I joined you guys."

Her hands have migrated to her hips while she rants at Steve. It's hilarious and he can tell Barton is barely holding in his laughter. "Also I need some feminine products that I don't trust any of you boys to get correctly." Steve's face turns a little pink at that and Barton's face has gotten red from still trying not to laugh. James doesn't have any problem with laughing at Steve's face. Darcy is still standing there with her hands on her hips looking at Steve expectantly.

Steve's complexion goes back to normal he sighs looking resigned. "Fine. Bucky will go with you."

She nods and is stalking out of the room but when she passes James she slaps his ass. He yelps. "Get your ass in gear Barnes. I wanna leave soon," she tells him as she walks on through the door like she didn't just slap his ass. Barton finally loses the fight at the look on his face and guffaws. Steve chuckles along.

He scowls at both of them. "Yeah, yeah. Yuck it up, buttercup." James decides he'll get his revenge on Barton soon but he gets Steve back now before he leaves the room. He claps Steve on the shoulder. "We're dealing with the equivalent of a zombie apocalypse and you get flustered when a dame mentions 'feminine products'? Sometimes I wonder how you've survived the last seven months."

Barton has finally gotten up from the ground still giggling occasionally and Steve rolls his eyes. "Ha Ha, you're hilarious. Now go with Darcy and make sure she stays out of trouble jerk," he pushes him in the direction of the door Darcy went through not too long ago. Barton's laugh follows him out the door.

* * *

They raid a Costco, whatever the hell that is. They had passed it on their way to the old safe house and he remembers Darcy and Barton talking about possibly going there to get supplies. When they get into the store it reminds him of a warehouse with groceries, which he supposes, it sort of is. He sees Darcy looking around the place in his peripheral vision. "I'm surprised there's still this much stuff. Doesn't even look like it's been raided," she whispers to him. They haven't had a chance to scout the place and make sure there wasn't any of the infected in it. He shrugs his shoulders. He wouldn't know; he's never been to a Costco.

He will admit that there is a lot of shit in the place. It's kind of overwhelming. There's stuff everywhere and it's not just groceries. There are clothes and electronics and a bunch of other crap he's sure he can't see from where they're standing. There are baskets filled that had been abandoned. It reeks from the rotting meat and other foods that have gone bad. He mentions the smell to Darcy and she nods in agreement. They stand there for a few more moments just taking it all in before he moves to scout the place for the infected, Darcy trotting along with him.

They do end up finding some infected and for some reason they all have seemed to congregate to the meat isle. It reeks worse in this area than anywhere and he sees Darcy wrinkle her nose at the smell. They hear them before they see them. He and Darcy are silent as they come up to them, Darcy quickly moves to his right side gun already out. He now knows that she always moves to his right side because it's his "weak side". He had laughed so hard when he heard that he had tears coming out of his eyes. Darcy had retaliated by throwing a half-eaten protein bar at his head.

James and Darcy round the corner and open fire, not giving them chance to even realize that they were there. There are 11 of them and they all go down easily. He and Darcy don't have much time before more of them from around the store arrive due to the noise. They take them out just as easily. When all is quiet, they finish looking around. They don't want any surprises while they're trying to grab supplies.

James eyes Darcy's bat that she brought along on the way back to grab a couple of baskets to throw the food and other supplies in. He wonders if she had made it after she got out the tower or if she had it before. "Where did you even get that thing Lewis," he asks pointing at the bat.

She smiles bitterly, "Everybody went through a zombie phase a while ago. I made this as a joke. Guess the jokes on me now huh?" She still has the bitter smile on her face as she changes topics. "Back to last names are we? I thought we had moved past that Barnes. You're breaking my heart over here," she says clutching her heart dramatically.

He rolls his eyes at her. "Called me by mine first doll," he replies.

"Fine _James_. You still go by James right? Not Bucky?" she asks as they grab a basket each to push around the store. They start going up one of the isles throwing things that they need into their baskets.

He answers her after they've gone up three isles. "Bucky Barnes fell off a train in the alps. I'm never-," he stops trying to find the right words. "I've seen and done so much. It's just not going to happen. There are little pieces of Bucky but most of that personality is gone. I only let Steve get away with calling me that because it's hard on him. He knows I'm not the same but he doesn't really seem to care. He seems to love me no matter what. Plus he kept calling me that so yeah." Darcy doesn't say anything. They had stopped in the middle of the bread isle. She grabs his left hand and squeezes it than lets go. She goes back to grabbing things they need. He does too.

They have managed to load four baskets with necessities and non-perishables when they're done. They make it back to the van they had commandeered for the trip and start to load it. There are only a few things left to load so James tells Darcy to start the vehicle. She's barely left his view when he hears a scuffle and Darcy grunt. He rounds the van to see Darcy surrounded by five of the infected trying to grab her gun or bat. He pulls his gun and starts firing. The first one he hits had a hold of Darcy's sleeve and it rips when it goes down. It also freed up her arm. She grabs her bat since she still can't get to her gun and they finish the rest of them quickly after that.

"Going to start makin' you carry another gun on your other side. I don't care how good you are with the bat," he tells her. He's trying to not let her see the panic he had when they had her in their grasp.

She smiles as she walks up to him. She goes up on the tip of her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks," she says quietly as she goes flat on her feet. She walk back to the back of the van, "C'mon, let's finish loading so we can go back. Don't want to give Steve an aneurysm 'cause we were gone so long." She stops what she's doing and seems to think on her last statement. Her lips purse and all James can think about is how her lips felt on his cheek and what it would feel like to actually kiss her.

"Can Steve even have an aneurysm with the serum?" she asks bringing him back to reality. Now he stops to think about it. He shrugs and she just nods in acceptance of his ignorance on the subject, going back to loading the van.

She's putting a big can of something in the van when he sees it. There's a healed bite mark covering a good portion of her forearm. He goes still and stares. He has to clench his jaw so he doesn't start yelling. He had suspected something like this when she had talked about some people not getting infected but he wasn't sure. It was the way she had said it then rubbing her arm but those weren't really proof.

Darcy looks at him to see why he wasn't moving around or talking. She sees him staring and looks down to see what he's staring at so intensely. That's when she notices that her sleeve had ripped and most of her arm is exposed. She pales and tries to hide her arm behind her back but it's too late.

He marches up to her even as she steps away from him. When he gets close enough he grabs her arm and raises it up to his face. He stares some more while he tries to wrap his head around the fact that she had been bitten –badly at that- and was not infected. He looked to her face to see her eyes downcast. She wouldn't look at him. He tilted her face up so she would.

When she meets his eyes she looks like she's gearing up for a fight. After a few seconds though she deflates and looks tired. She leans her head against his chest and talks. He wraps his arms around her in a hug. Her voice is muffled. "I'll tell you everything when we get back. I really don't want to explain more times than I have to."

He reluctantly agrees.


End file.
